I’m pretty sure it’s because of the hormone replacement therapy patches the doctor prescribed me.  For months after my hysterectomy to say I felt blah blah blah would be an understatement.  I went from normally very upbeat, talk a mile a minute, positive outlook on well, just about everything.  To grumpy, pissed off, bull in a china shop (as my boss put it), mad at the world Becky.

My situation came as a shock, considering I come from a line of superwoman… because when I talked about this to the women in my family, according to them not a one of them suffered from any kind of emotional or physical changes due to having your female organs yanked out, or from just the normal getting older.  In light of all of that, I decided to just tough it out, instead of doing anything about it.

That is…until I had the following conversation with my doctor.

“Becky, how are you feeling?” he asked.

“I feel fine…other than I’m pissed off all of the time.  I not only cry at goodbyes, I cry at hellos and everything in between.”  I pulled out my wadded up ball of kleenex, which I now brought with me everywhere, and dabbed my watering eyes.

“And?” he prodded.

“And I yell at other drivers now…well I always kinda did that, once in a while, you know…when someone cuts you off.  But lately, it’s non-stop…for every little thing.  I won’t even go into the fact of how much I yell at my kids now. Doc, it’s as if some grumpy impatient, screaming bitch, has taken over my body.  I…am not…me!  I don’t know who this person is who had invaded me, but I don’t like her at all.”

“Any night sweats?”

“Nope” I answered

“Any hot flashes?” he asked as he turned to the computer and began typing…and typing…and typing.

“Once in a while”  I answered…while pondering what life will be like in the rubber room he is surely going to recommend I live in for the rest of my life.  I wasn’t just crying now…I was sobbing uncontrollably…and mad at myself for being so ridiculously emotional.

The doctor continued to type for what seemed like an eternity.  Finally he turned to me and asked,

“Have you considered hormone replacement therapy?”

“Yea, but I thought it was only prescribed in cases where the symptoms were affecting your quality of life…like outragous night sweats, or non-stop hot flashes.”

The good doctor handed me a fresh tissue, smiled at me and said,  “wouldn’t you consider all of this as affecting your quality of life?  Not to mention those around you, and their quality of life?”

Duh…

So there you have it….I am no longer a raging hormone-less ball of pissed off energy.

Ahhh…the miracles of medicine…

BM

I’ve decided to go to college…

Oh I know…I’m slightly over the hill and way older than the traditional college student.  I tried it once…years ago..right out of high school, hell bent on being the first person in my family to get a degree.  But, 2 weeks into it, I met a guy and decided being with him was way more important than getting some silly education.

Shortly after I dropped out, I went back to my old high school and visited one of my favorite teachers…Mr. Sternberg.  He wasn’t surprised when I fessed up about my recent escape from college.  He told me he that he had had concerns I wasn’t ready, not so much academically, but rather not ready in terms if discipline and committment.  I asked him why he never mentioned this to me, to which his response was…some lessons in life need to be learned first hand.  Translated…I wouldn’t have listened anyway.

But, he was right.  I was sooo not ready.  Back then, all of my friends knew exactly where they were going in life…and me…well I was floundering around trying to figure out what I wanted to do each day.  The big picture of life was just too overwhelming.

I’m pretty sure Mr. Sternberg had no idea it would be 28 years before I was ready to take the plunge.

So why do this now?

Well, my epiphany came about as a result of a bunch of little things. For starters I had a hysterectomy and because I had to recover and miss work…I had a bunch of time on my hands.  Time to actually think about my life and that I just couldn’t see myself at my current job until I retire.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my job. However it is very demanding, both physically and hours worked. Not to mention the supervisory responsibilities that go with being a manager.  It all takes it’s toll.

Realizing this, I began to take steps to  “get out” and explore options that I’d enjoy and earn a living doing.  So I put my nose to the grindstone and because I had 6 weeks off  work to recover, I worked on a book that had floated around in my head for the past year.  I sent it off to various agents and publishers and much to my surprise, a few expressed some interest.  (don’t get too excited…there is a BIG difference between interest and wanting to publish) 

Will it get published?  I’m sure it will someday.  But the bigger question is will I be able to support myself as a writer?  Unfortunately, the answer to that is a big fat…no.  And that’s ok…I can always write as a hobby.

So after coming down from my pie in the sky dreams of being a rich famous author, I found myself still stuck in the place of knowing I needed to make a change, but not having any idea what to do.

Then my oldest daughter Katie called me and told me about how she was finally going to do something about the job she hated so much.  She had enrolled in cosmetology school.  I was proud of her and her decision to take control of her destiny.

I was envious…she was going to  “get out”.

In the meantime, I went back to work.  My grand idea of finding something else to do with my life fell by the wayside when I resumed my 60 hour a week schedule. Physically and mentally exhausted, I spent most of my days off doing nothing…with the exception of feeling sorry for myself. 

I made a bucket list, hoping this would motivate me. My list not only helped me to prioritize things which are important to me…it made me look forward instead of looking back.  At the top of the list was to make a difference, followed by spending more time with family, and to see the world and experience different cultures.

Great…so here I had this list…but once I wrote it all down, I had no time to really think about how I could carry out any of it. 

This is where God, destiny, fate, or whatever you choose to call it, stepped in.

I developed complications regarding my recovery from surgery and my doctor ordered me on light duty at work for 3 weeks.  Because of these restrictions I was unable to perform my job duties, prompting my employer to put me on medical leave for 3 weeks.

Now I had all the time in the world…however all I could think about was how stuck I was and how my situation only reaffirmed that I just couldn’t physically do my job for another 20 years until I retire.

My options were limited…I could certainly go back into upper management in the restaurant industry… but the hours are brutal, weekends, nights, holidays.  None of which would bring me closer to my goal of making a difference, spending time with family, and seeing the world.

My aha moment came one day when I sitting at home, on medical leave, feeling completely sorry for myself.  I was channel surfing and settled on House Hunters International on the HGTV channel.  If you’ve never seen it, a film crew follows a family as they search for a vacation home to buy in another country.  Well in this particular episode, a young couple…teachers from California…were looking for a vacation property in Italy.

As I was watching the details of their house hunting, I began thinking about how lucky they were to have a career where they have summers off, enabling them to travel or do whatever they wished. The perfect job.

Inspired by Katie’s recent decision to go back to school, and because I had nothing else to do at the moment…I let my fingers do the walking and researched on the internet to find just what a person would have to do to achieve a teaching degree. 

I was surprised to learn that I could earn a Bachelor’s degree in Education from the local state college by completing the courses online. 

Now I shouldn’t have been too surprised.  My older sister Cindi had earned her bachelor degree in Economics online, and she is in the process of getting her Master’s Degree from George Washington University. 

Ok…so now what?  I had lot’s of questions…how long would it take?  How much would it cost? I already knew teaching was something I would enjoy doing.  But I was still unclear of just how to get there.

Other questions were, what topic would I teach?  Would I focus on elementary education, or middle school and high school?

My answer came when I called my Mom to tell her about my thoughts about possibly going into teaching.  She told me about some friends of hers that had taught English as a Second Language in Italy.  My Mom suggested I look into teaching ESL, considering my desire to see the world.

Now that I got the what I was going to do, I still had to deal with the cost, and how much time it would take.  I set up an appointment and went to the college to help with the answers. 

The student advisor told me about a program they have for older folks like me…called an accelerated degree in which I can earn credits based on prior experience.  It’s not easy, but she said as a working adult we have learned the skills however we lack the knowledge of the supporting theory.  With help from an instructor I can tailor my courses, and earn credits for prior learning.

Realistically, I am looking at getting me degree in 4 years, even if at 3/4 versus full-time.

As far as the cost and funding an education.  I had no idea how many options are available in the form of loans and grants.  This is where my current status of having a job that pays peanuts is a blessing and not a curse…for a couple of reasons.  First being, if I had a high paying job, I’d probably never consider changing careers…I’d just suck it up and deal with it as long as I had a nice paycheck.  But I don’t…and because of my meager salary, I qualify for a Pell Grant which would cover $5,500 a year towards my tuition.

In addition to the Pell Grant, I also qualify for a Direct Stafford loan, up to $9,500 which must be paid back after I graduate. 

There is also a grant called the Teach Grant, where if you agree to teach a high need topic (ESL is one) in a low-income school for 4 years after you graduate, the grant will cover your entire education.  The downside is if you do not fulfill your end of the agreement, you have to pay back the loan with interest.

I’m considering the Teach Grant for a couple of reasons.  First off, I will be working on my goal of making a difference in someone’s life, secondly I am all but guaranteed a full-time teaching job after I complete my degree and get my teaching certificate.  I will not have to join the pool of substitute teachers waiting for an opening.  The last reason is obvious…I will not have to pay back my students loans during my retirement years.

I can not think of a better career choice to do something I will enjoy, with holidays and summers off, affording me the time to see my family more.  Plus giving me the opportunity to pick up ESL teaching assignments in far away places, enabling me to see the world and learn about different cultures.

Am I scared?…Hell yea…

I have to take what’s called a Accuplacement Test.  The college will use my scores in English and Math to determine whether or not I need refresher courses (which do not contribute to my credits needed for my B.A.)

Online there are various websites offering sample questions, preparing you for the real deal.  After taking the English test and scoring 100%, I was thankful Ms. Schroeder my high school formal comp teacher, was so hard on me in class.

Now Math…well that is a different story.  I got as far as the first sample question and realized that I had no idea what I was doing. So I found a website offering refresher lessons in basic algebra, and basic geometry.  I spent the entire day yesterday reading lessons, and completing quizzes.  I’ve got to say…I was surprised at how quickly I picked up on the rules and theories…only to forget them after 5 minutes.  I never thought I’d say this…but I wish I had paid more attention in Mrs. Bresler’s advanced algebra class my junior year.  At the time, all I could think about was how I would never use it again. Never say never…

I still have time to cram it all in.  I do not go back to work until Friday, and I am going to take the test on Thursday.

Wish me luck!!

BM

At first, full of parental wisdom, I lectured her about how fortunate she is to even have a job and how working and making a living is all part of being a grown up…and yes, at times, what comes with all of that, is the risk of being stuck at a job you don’t like.  Hey, if you want to eat…keep doing what you are doing and stop whining about it.

But the more I listened to her talk about how deep down she feels she is meant to do more with her life, make a difference, somewhere, somehow…I realized she is searching for her purpose.

My advice to her was this.

Yes, you hate your job…but you need it right now…at least until you discover what it is you would rather be doing.  In the meantime, go to work everyday with the mindset you will make the very best of whatever you are doing for the moment.  Use your dissatisfaction with your current situation as a reason to tell yourself this is only a season of your life…only a small chapter of a huge encyclopedia of things yet to come.

You have no idea what you you’d rather be doing?  That doesn’t mean you won’t…it just means you haven’t stumbled upon it…yet.

Katie had told me once she wanted to design clothing.  A few years ago I bought her a sewing machine.  I asked her if she had used it yet.  Her reasons for not doing so made sense…she didn’t know where to start..she had thought about taking classes…but had never gotten around to it…besides she said, what if I spend all of that time only to find out I hate it?

And who could blame her for feeling that way?

How could Katie possibly ever understand some things just need time to develop.  We as a society are caught up in a sense of immediate gratification.  Fast food is popular because why?…it’s fast.  Gone is sending a letter via the postal service, in favor of email, text, and now twitter and tweets.  Turn on the TV or radio, most everything is marketed as quicker, faster, better.  Why wait when you can have it now?  Even dating has caught the bug…with a click of a mouse you can cycle through hundreds if not thousands of potential  “soul mates” with minimal time invested.

Now that we have Facebook who needs to pick up the phone when you can keep tabs on hundreds of people at a glance?  We spend more resources and money on new innovative ideas revolving around how to save time than we do on fighting poverty and cures for diseases.

Energy drinks have replaced sleep to give people more time on… doing more, because we can now do it quicker, faster, but not always better. There is even talk about replacing the teaching of Cursive writing in schools with more keyboarding classes.  Soon the ability to write long hand with be a dying art.  Why?  Because it takes too much time and who needs it?

We speak of patience being a virtue and  how good things come to those who wait.  However the world breeds impatience…a biproduct of not having to wait for much of anything anymore.

Dial up internet?  Please…most people wouldn’t even use it even if it was free…it’s too damn slow.

Am I anti-technology.  Hell no…I’m right there with everyone else.  I like things fast…I can get more done, and because I can save time I have taken multi-tasking to a whole new level.  But what concerns me is we have evolved to a point where saving time is more important than making the most of our time.  There is a difference.

Our children learn from early on the value of being proactive, not to procrastinate, have a sense of urgency, being first, faster is easier, better. Some, if not all, are very good qualities.  But what about the importance of trying new things, exploring different options…even if it doesn’t pan out in the end?  Failing…without any recognizable positive results?  Instead we label it as a waste of time…because without the immediate gratification of knowing the results right away…why bother trying?

Time they say, can work for us…or against us.

Which one is it for you?

BM

If someone asked you to describe yourself without bringing up what you do for a living, what school you went to, where you live, if you have children and how many, married or not, or how old you are…

What would you say?

Would you be positive or negative about yourself?  Would you describe yourself  in way you feel others view you? Or how you wished others saw you? Or as the person you had always wanted to be?

Maybe you would use your past as a way to describe yourself.

Does your own personal history define who you are today?

I ask these questions of you because someone asked them of me once.  This person  challenged me to first change my perception of who I am, before trying to become what I wanted to be.

Whether you think you’re a failure in life, or a person who is highly successful….in each case you would be right. 

You become what you think you are.

BM

But, I know I must post about the things that happened in 2010.  I have given some thought about  the best way to summarize the year without turning this into a 250 page novel. So here it goes…

Left job…lost sense of humor…became broke

Started new job…still broke…but smiling

Faced mortgage crisis…fought to keep house…won…kinda

Decided to change life…be open to new things…started a blog

Things happened…met new people…still broke

Reconnected with old friends…reconnected with who I am

Survived a crisis with daughter Chelsea…never thought I’d smile again…but…I did

Daughter Megan decided to live with Dad…then Mom…then Dad…final decision…Mom

We are all happy

Son Josh made all-star baseball team…and is growing up way too fast

Daughter Kimberly is learning about life… finding her way…wants to go back to school

 Added new family…son-in-law Donny… when eldest daughter Katie tied the knot

Had a minor flood in house…ceiling in family room took a dive…

Still broke

Went back home for July 4th…had a great time with friends Ann and Ted

Reconnected with cousins…went to the county fair back home

Spent a lot of time with brother Tom and sister-in-law Gretchen…I miss them a lot

Was adventurious…went canoeing with kids…survived…barely

Had so much fun Katie and Donny…copycats…decided to give it a try…but…

They weren’t so lucky…tipped canoe over…lost everything…stranded on low hanging tree…rescued…but emotionally scarred

Priceless…we all laughed

Me…still single…still broke…still smiling

Daughter Chelsea turned 18…got her driver’s liscense…added gray to Mom’s hair

I had surgery…the kind that puts you right into menopose…fun

Quit smoking…not as broke…I cry while smiling now…between twinkies and night sweats

Orange tabby cat named Oliver…hit by car…may he rest in peace

Almost lost black lab Kole on Christmas Eve…prayer does work…I owe God big time

Megan made the A honor roll for the first time

Josh adjusted to Middle School…and a deeper voice

Chelsea moved out…kinda…still eats and does laundry at home

Newlywed Katie wants a baby…her Mom hopes she has 6…all girls

Mike is still and will always be my best friend…we laugh…especially when people ask…

Why don’t you just get married

This year we had a record-breaking snowfall…18 inches…because of it…

I have decided to enter the dating scene again…my first question will be…

Do you own a truck with a plow?

I started this blog as a joke, instead…I discovered my passion for writing…and

I wrote a book…and now 2 publishers are interested in it…where it will go..

Who knows…but I am looking forward to the journey 2011 brings.

BM

So for now – consider this a hiatus until November 1st, and hopefully I will have great news to share!

BM

Josh’s team took the champion spot in his little league this past summer.  He was the game opening pitcher for the all-star game, however his favorite position is catcher.  He started middle school this year, and I am amazed at how fast they grow up.

Megan waffled a few more times as to “should she stay, or should she move” with her Dad…she ended up staying and is a cheerleader, and has opted to do 1/2 day at school, and the other half on-line.  This way she gets a few extra credits, and will possibly be able to take college classes when she enters high school.

Chelsea is doing great… meds and seeing her therapist once a week, has made her a new person.  Tomorrow she turns 18….amazing.  She has applied with AmeriCorps - the domestic sister of the Peace corps.  She continues in her passion of wanting to help others and spread the message that mental illness is not a death sentence. 

Kimberly is still in Florida, and has gotten a job at a nursing home in the dietary dept.  She is a certified CNA, however there were not any open positions for that, so she took the job in the kitchen to get her foot in the door. Kimberly has always worked hard, and most of the time, she has had 2 jobs. I do not get to see her that often, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her.

Katie and I are speaking again….our war of words ended ages ago, just like we both knew it would. She and Donny have made it official…they are getting married next year.  I am hoping for a grandchild at some point in time….I never thought I’d say that…I guess I’m ready…

As for me….well…I managed to make it through another summer.  I wonder what it will be like when all the kids are grown and I no longer measure my years by school years.

I can honestly say, I am a different person than I was when I began this blog. I slow down and enjoy the little details and nuggets life has to offer. I don’t write as much as I’d like to…I have had some fun with my other blog….Not Everyone Needs a Shrink…

But…I still have this feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach that there is still so much more I am meant to do.  The problem is…I have no idea what it is, or where to begin. I have some things I am working on…projects…and one thing I am certain of…it has been because of my committment to be open to coincidence and random occurences in my life…that I have even begun any of those projects.

So for now…at this midway point in the coincidence experiment…I’d have to say thus far it has been a success.  For the end result…I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

BM

I felt the first of many tugs….proding me me to go back to the town I grew up in…a few years ago. It started with a box, random things from my childhood, all stuffed neatly in a cardboard moving box. I had lugged it around all over the country, every time I relocated. No matter where I lived….this box….always occupied the same spot…. shoved way in the back of my bedroom closet. 

One day….five years ago, I saw it there, when I was looking for something else….seems like most of the time that’s how things like this have a way of happening.

It was still sealed from the first time I packed it 20 years earlier…  At 19, I was at a crossroads in my life…my Mom was moving to Florida and my Dad had retired and moved to Nebraska. For my Dad, moving to Nebraska was the final chapter in his quest to return to a place that always held a special place in his heart. A place, where over a hundred and eighty years ago, his mother’s ancestors migrated to from England, via New York…in order to start a new life as farmers.

Dad wasn’t born and raised there…his destiny had already been decided when his mother, a writer, moved to the Chicago area, after having married his father, a railroad man from Sweden. Growing up, my Dad spent his summers on his Aunt Iola’s farm. Endless fields of corn, wide open prairies, rich blue skies untainted by city pollution, and quiet so deep at night the only sound you heard, was the air rushing in and out of your lungs. For my Dad, this was where his heart was.

After my parents divorced, my Dad took me with him on his first trip back to Nebraska…a place he hadn’t been back to in over 20 years. I was 10… We went back every year, for the first few years, it was just my father and I. He remarried when I was 13, expanding our pilgrimage from 2 to 5, with the addition of his bride and 2 young sons. Year after year, we carried on this tradition until he retired from the railroad, and relocated to Nebraska….”home”

 I continued these visits. at first as a single young adult, then as a newlywed. My Dad, settled now….having found himself again…amid the open plains…realized there was still something missing….a connection with his now grown children. He had a dream of starting a family business, where all of us would congregate to Nebraska, and be together.

During one of our trips, my Dad took my husband and I on a drive….said he wanted to show us something. He had an idea, he explained as we traveled down a gravel road in the middle of nowhere. Past one of our cousins farms, past what seemed like miles of cornfields, past pastures dotted with prairie dog mounds….until we came to a stop on the side of  the road.

Up on a hill, was an old farmhouse…

My Dad pointed to it and asked me if I liked it. He said it was for sale, if we moved to Nebraska, he would buy it… we could live there and pay him practically nothing for rent. I was young, 19…up for adventure…and excited about the idea of moving to Nebraska, a place I had grown to love…as much as my Dad did. I too had special memories of spending time there, every summer…riding horses, going places with my cousins…and most of all, getting to know my Dad, a man who was still very much a mystery to me.

The next day, I hit the pavement…applying for jobs. Back in Wisconsin, I was working as a nurses aid in a retirement facility in Milwaukee…so I focused on trying to get work at a nursing home. My husband, a forklift operator at Menards, applied at lumber yards etc. For the next week we interviewed…and were told there wasn’t anything available at the time, however they would keep us in mind should something come up.

Before we knew it, our vacation time was up… it was time to leave, dream in hand…resigned to continue our life back home. We’d tried, failed, and understood it just wasn’t meant to be. I promised my Dad we could come back the next year, and do it all over again…maybe then it would work out.

A month later, when moving to Nebraska had taken a back seat to our day-to-day activities, I received a call from my Mom. She had decided to sell the house in East Troy, and move to Florida. Did we want to come? I think we pondered the idea for a total of 5 minutes, before we said…Florida?….Hell yes, we’d love to come.

Funny thing about crossroads in life….you never realize you are at one until years later.

Two weeks after we had set the wheels in motion to move to Florida, both my husband and I received phones calls, within hours of each other. The first, was one of the nursing homes I had applied at…they needed someone…when could I start?  The second call, was for my husband…the lumber yard had an unexpected opening…could he start next week?

My dream come true…

However, even the best of dreams evolve…starting as a random thought….growing, changing…based on situations….circumstances. Palm trees, balmy weather, sandy beaches, and an ocean I had yet to see…became my new dream.

I didn’t tell my Dad about the job offers, he never would have understood. Afraid he’d view it as a competition between he and my Mom, with the latter being victorious, I kept the choice I made to myself.

We sold what little we had…hell bent on starting fresh. The remainder of our worldly possessions, were loaded into the back of my Mom’s moving van. In the midst of those twenty or so boxes, was one…labeled Becky. Remnants of who I was, someone I didn’t want to be anymore… condensed to a single cardboard vessel.

On a dreary fall day in 1985, I set out to see just what the rest of the world had in store for me. Leaving Wisconsin, and East Troy in the rearview mirror….soon to become a distant memory.

I never once looked back….

At least until….I opened that box.

To be continued…..

BM

I asked him the million dollar question…..

Have you read my new blog?

I asked because I started the blog Not Everyone Needs a Shrink…..put the link out there…..and have heard nothing.

My family….who shares their opinions on a regular basis, solicited and otherwise….have remained mum. I haven’t even heard….it sucks….or it’s great…or, yea Becky, well….it’s ok.

So I asked Mike…because I knew he’d tell me the truth even if it brought tears to my eyes….and he did. Of course he pussy footed around at first…telling me how he noticed I like the F word…and the new blog is cutting in nature….I think he meant edgier.

But….he said he missed the old blog…the one where I routinely share my heart and soul…and overall craziness of my life and family.

So I explained…..this blog, the Coincidence Experiment…is my year-long journal…where I am free to sound as friggin nuts as I want to. The other one Not Everyone Needs a Shrink…is still personal…it is about my mid-life journey, is written for a broader audience.

Listen to me……I am sounding a little egotistical….in assuming there is an audience out there who would be remotely interesting in what I, crazy mixed up Becky, would have to say.

Let’s put that aside, shall we?

So I will continue to write in both.

On to more interesting things…..

You may remember a while back me talking about Mike’s on and off, mostly off….relationship with a woman (who’s name we no longer utter between us)

This time they are off….or are they?

She broke up with him….for the 9th time….a few weeks ago. Last night he told me he is spending Saturday with her, fulfilling some plans they had made before the big shake up.

Ok….I don’t get it. He knows I don’t get it…..and my sarcastic remarks about his relationship with her is starting to create a wedge between he and I.

No problem, you say…..the solution is….I should learn to keep my mouth shut…..believe me, I’m trying.

I have no idea why I feel the way I do about all of this.  Mike and I long ago came to the conclusion things would never work out on “that level” for us. I should be happy for him….instead I have morphed into this snide bitch.

Ok….maybe a more appropriate word is….jealous.

I’m not jealous of anyone that Mike might find and settle down with….I want that for him. I think the thorn under my skin is…..I am jealous of the fact he is doing so much stuff…..with other people. He is doing exactly what I should be doing.

Living….

For the past couple of years, I have been in self-imposed relationship solitude. I have focused my time and energy on my family…allowing my external connections to dwindle down to one…..Mike….and that my friends is not the answer….because when Mike is unattached, that little scenario works…but when he’s dating….well…it makes me nuts.

It makes him nuts too…..because poor Mike…feels like he has to make two women happy….a lose, lose situation. I hadn’t realized how emotionally dependant on him, I had become.

Until last night…..when I put my foot in my mouth….again….and he made a comment about how he just can’t win.

I’ve been writing a lot in this blog about how I want to change my perspective on things….live my life….explore….and while I have…..I still have far to go.  With that said….I have made a decision….I will take down a few blocks of the wall I have around me, venture out, make new friends….and actually start to date again.

Ok….let’s not rush things here….maybe I’ll consider dating again….

BM

Not Everyone Needs a Shrink

http://noteveryoneneedsashrink.wordpress.com

BM